My home is not a place, it is people.
I've decided to hire myself.
Published on February 7, 2006 By Cordelia In Humor

When I was younger I didn't mind cleaning. Ok, that's not true, I did mind. I'm sure I pouted and whined and generally made a nuisance of myself, but I did my chores and that was that.


I got a little older and both of my parents were working. In the summers I could have my days to myself as long as I got all my chores done, so I would deny myself food and fun until it was all done, then I'd eat and then retire to my room to read. So somewhere along the line cleaning equaled rest and food, and I got to rather like it. Plus I knew I could be good at it.


And let’s review what I mean by “clean”. I mean moving the furniture and vacuuming under it each week. I mean getting on my hands and knees with rubber gloves on to protect myself from the very strong chemicals and getting into the corners of the bathroom with an old toothbrush clean. I mean CLEAN.


There were times in my life when I’ve considered starting a cleaning service. It’s not like it’s my life’s goal to clean other people’s houses, but I kind of get into a Zen thing when I clean. Things need to be organized and put in their proper places. Dirt needs to be out of the house. It makes me feel better when things are clean. But if I were to start such a business I’d have to be insured in some way, because as sure as the sun rises someone would accuse me of stealing something or breaking something and that would be that.


So I became older still and got a full-time job and was going to school full-time, and housework became something that just got in my way and took up valuable time.


Now I just work. Technically I have plenty of time to keep the house clean - even as clean as I want it to be.


I don’t clean like I used to. In my admittedly slightly OCD mind the house is NEVER clean. I know that even when I can get into those corners with a toothbrush and a strong bleach or cleaner there is still dirt in there, hiding from me. So when I DON’T clean like that every week…can you imagine what must be lurking? Cleaning has become a frustrating task now, because it…is…never…clean. It kills me to know that.


For several years I’ve been wishing I could hire a cleaning service. I would have them come in every day if I was rich, but I am not rich. Even having them come once a week is too much. It would probably cost $200 per month or more, and I simply can’t justify the expense. I’ve even considered getting a part-time job on the side of my regular job just so I can hire a house-keeping service.


But that’s just silly, right? Silly to get a second job in order to hire people to do a job I’m exceptionally capable of doing myself.


So I’ve decided to hire me to clean my house. Frankly, there is no one better for the job, because I work cheap and I can trust myself to not steal (I think). I’m going to pay myself for weekly cleaning service, even though I will be tough to afford. I think I’m worth it.


Hopefully this all works out. I never was very good at reprimanding people. If I don’t do a good job I’ll just have to give myself a stern talking to, then a written warning, and finally, I’ll fire me. I can’t spend my hard-earned money on slip-shod work.  


With the extra money I make from my house-cleaning service, I can always buy something nice as a reward for myself. Perhaps a few visits with a nice psychiatrist would be just the thing.

on Feb 07, 2006
Hahahaha!!! Great article! I wish I got into cleanign as much as you do. I hate to clean, but at the same time cannot stand it when our house is dirty. Luckily Scott is very good at helping out with the housework. It is very rewarding though and I always feel better when the place is clean. If only I could learn to "enjpy" it!
on Feb 07, 2006
Great article Cordelia.

I used to be the same way with yard work. I had to mow lawns, weed gardens, etc. And I learned to like it. I would start at 6:00 am so it was done before it got too hot and I could actually enjoy the rest of the day. Now, since we have been living in apartments, I miss it. Hopefully soon we will have a house I can start working in.

Yeah, with all my free time after 80 hours in the hospital each week.
on Feb 08, 2006


It is very rewarding though and I always feel better when the place is clean

Yeah, me too! I start work this weekend, so we'll see how it goes.

Yeah, with all my free time after 80 hours in the hospital each week.

Gah, that's a lot of hours! We just finished working tons of overtime at my job, so I'm back to a mere 40 hours a week. It almost seems like a vacation. If you find yard work meditative, then definitely get back into it when you can. But if it's just more work, then you should hire someone.

on Feb 13, 2006
I love your article. I wish OCD was contagious....I'm too lazy to do it as well as I want.
on Feb 13, 2006
I used to enjoy cleaning. Not that I was ever a clean freak mind you. Now that I have 5 toilets, 4000 sq ft and 3 messy guys to clean up after, I don't really enjoy it. I love having the house clean but it is clean for such fleeting moments that it just feels so futile to do the heavy duty cleaning.

But I'm a "stay-at-home mom" so I should have all the time in the world, right? Somehow it just isn't so. So I am constantly chasing dust bunnies, cleaning toilets, scrubbing counters, etc. just to maintain the basic cleanliness. So when you come to my house, don't look too closely
on Feb 13, 2006
If you ever have the urge to scrub a bathroom, pleeeease come over to my house!
on Feb 14, 2006
If you ever have the urge to scrub a bathroom, pleeeease come over to my house!

Dibs on you too! Lately I've not been cleaning as good as I used to because of illness and also being busy. But I managed to do some cleaning this past weekend although not as good as I would have liked. And then my four year old decided she didn't like the place being neat and tidy and undid everything I did!

Your article is very funny,LOL! Now make sure you give your "cleaning person" a break every four hours. And don't forget to pay for overtime.
on Feb 28, 2006
What? You... you... clean? Really? Was this before, when we thought you were scary neighbors and didn't visit? In all seriousness though, after taking care of Annie and Bear for a week, there is no. possible. way. to keep your house Kristin clean. Heck, not even Trisha clean! Well, except maybe laser hair removal! ::

Has it been for a long time that you haven't wanted to clean? I've noticed that neither Trisha nor I have done one single worthwhile project around the house since October. Stupid winter hibernation! And now with the release of GalCiv2, you've got me hooked on that damn game instead of doing whatever it was that Trisha was nagging me about.

Ack, I'm starting to ramble this soon into the post, guess I better cut it short. Everyone, don't listen to her. Her house is very clean... even with the extra bedroom and family room... gah, I'll never get over that! NEV-ARR!