Today we got yet another call informing us of still more delays in the closing of our house. This house has caused us so much heartache; I really begin to wish I had burned it down when the notion first occurred to me.
The closing was delayed last time because the buyer "forgot" to get an appraisal. Ok. This time it has been delayed because the appraiser went to the house, found out that he couldn’t appraise it properly because of some technicality, and so he simply went back to his office and never called anyone to let them know. At least, this is the story that the real estate agent is telling us.
Also, we are out of dog food, so now that the appointed time for feeding has come and gone they are staring at me with an expression of wounded love on their faces. Could you two possibly go lay down somewhere - ELSE?? Daddy will be home with the food SOON!! Sheesh. Of course they have to lie down, as they are so weak from the hunger of having to wait an extra half hour that they may not live long enough, or have the strength to chew their food when it arrives. I tried to give Annie a treat but she just threw it disdainfully on the floor and then stepped on it. Ungrateful bitch.
I was out walking them today and they saw a rabbit and tried to chase it into a ditch – with me still attached to the leashes. As many of you know, I have one 60 pound dog and one 120 pound dog, and when they decide to go somewhere I go with them. I shouted “no”, but it came out a shrill screech. I’m sure local passers by were wondering who was being murdered. (I do live near Detroit, so I’m sure this happens on a regular basis).
I was pulled into the ditch but was able to bring them to a stop. Then I grabbed them both by their collars and pulled them – rather forcefully I must shamefully admit – back onto the path. Naturally at that moment a man on a bike went past, and witnessed my dog abuse. I screamed “Well, look at her! She’s a monster!” after him, pointing to Annie, but he just sped up. I think I frightened Bear into not being able to go, so he’ll probably crap in a corner tonight after we go to bed, and I shall be awakened by the smell.
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
--Mark Twain